Too Much

Having you right across from me, without having you.

Being close to you without being allowed to come closer.

Finding a boundary where there used to be an invitation. 

Hitting a wall where there used to be a gate. 

The gate led into a beautiful garden full of pink roses. 

It’s where I fell in love with you.

Where you will always stay in love with me. 

Because none of it is real. All of it is gone. 

Sitting beside you, where I can smell the roses in my mind. 

Looking over without the soft, welcoming glance there used to be.

Listening to you speak with such beauty and eloquence,

But never again hearing you tell me that you love me. 

Imagining the soft touch of your lips on mins as my arms envelop.

The warm breath on my neck as you arms do the same. 

Knowing I will never see you naked. 

Knowing I will never stop wanting to kiss you. 

Knowing and even hoping that some day 

Someone else will.

In my place. 

Too much...

I have too much love for you to let you go. 

Which is why I know I have to. 

My pain of loss mixed with my hope for your future,

Is too much. 

At least for now.